Preheat the oven to 350?F (175?C). Grease a 9?9 inch light metal baking pan and line it with parchment paper.

Add the Earl Grey tea and lavender to a food processor and pulse until finely ground. Pass through a sieve to separate any large bits.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, Earl Grey tea, lavender, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

In a large bowl, cream together the softened butter and granulated sugar for 2 minutes with an electric mixer on high speed.

Add the eggs and vanilla bean paste, mixing on medium speed until pale in color and smooth, about 1 minute.

Gradually add the buttermilk and dry ingredients, mixing on low speed until all ingredients are combined and batter is smooth.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 38-44 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center.

Let the cake cool in the pan on a wire rack for 30 minutes, then pull up on the parchment paper to release it from the pan. Let it cool completely on the rack.

For the Earl Grey milk soak, heat the whole milk in a small saucepan over low heat until steaming. Add the Earl Grey tea and lavender. Steep for 15 minutes, then remove from heat and pass the mixture through a sieve. Allow to cool.

Mix the Earl Grey milk with sweetened condensed milk and vanilla bean paste. Set aside.

For the Lavender Cream Cheese Frosting, pulse the culinary lavender in a food processor until finely ground and pass through a sieve.

In a large mixing bowl, beat the softened butter with an electric mixer until pale and fluffy, about 5 minutes.

Add the cold cream cheese and mix until fluffy, about 1 minute.

Sift in the powdered sugar, then add the lavender and vanilla bean paste. Mix on low speed until combined, then on high speed for 1 minute until fluffy. Add purple food coloring if desired.

When the cake is completely cooled, cut a thin layer off the top. Poke holes in the top using a wooden stick or the handle of a wooden spoon.

Slowly pour the Earl Grey milk mixture on top of the cake. Let it absorb into the cake.

Frost the top of the cake with a thick layer of lavender cream cheese frosting using an offset spatula. Cut into 16 slices and serve.